He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
