I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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