You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
