I can text with my tongue
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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