I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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