I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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