if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you would pick up someone in the library
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
