so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
