she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
only you would photoshop your dick
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dicks are not precious.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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