Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
