her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
