They should really pass out barf bags in church
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
