We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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