get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
