I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
