woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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