i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
