okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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