I wanna bring you to show and tell
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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