I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
