there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
