My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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