and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
