I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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