i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
