there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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