It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
