My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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