can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
