if i can run in heels then i can drive
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize