I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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