I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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