this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
