yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
