i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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