I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
