how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
