My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
