Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
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There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.