fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
