She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
