Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
