Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.