It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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