she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
