yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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