My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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