I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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