Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
