Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
