i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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