I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
