That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
