I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
