Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
