So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
