It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
