wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
