oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
