Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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