i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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