I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
