Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
