You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
