so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
