So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
