i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
