She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
