"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
In the future we'll all be gay
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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