Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
