u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
