You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
