My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
