just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
