it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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