I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
