Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
