dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
