i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
