At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
