My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
