Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
