I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
