Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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