dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
