do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
