I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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