It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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